By Kelly DeBrosse | eXp Realty | 23+ years serving Raleigh, Wake & surrounding counties

I recently met with a homeowner and members of their family because there were some things happening in their life that simply weren't working anymore. The homeowner was disabled, and the monthly income wasn't enough to cover the expense of the home alone before even considering utilities, food and everything else it takes to live. Something needed to change, and selling the house was certainly one possibility. That's why I was there. Once we started talking, though, the house itself became only one part of a much bigger conversation.

We spent much more time talking about where the homeowner would go. What would actually cost less? What could be purchased with the money available? Where could the owner live and still have access to the things they depended on? In this case, proximity to city services and transportation wasn't really a convenience. Transportation to medical appointments and the ability to get around had to be considered right along with the price of another home. I had been called to talk about selling a house, but selling it wasn't going to accomplish much if we couldn't answer what happened next.

This is actually how a lot of my first meetings go when someone calls because they're only considering selling. It's not necessarily a presentation. It's a conversation, and the conversation is about you. I want to understand what has you considering a change in the first place, what you're hoping will be different, where you would go and what life needs to look like afterward if you do sell. The house matters, of course, but knowing what it's worth doesn't answer whether selling it is the right decision for you.

I don't have a standard list of questions that I run through because the questions tend to come naturally once I understand the situation. After 23 years and thousands of transactions, I usually know where we need to dig a little deeper and what we need to figure out before someone can make a good decision. That experience can sometimes shortcut weeks or even months of wondering on your own because you may not know yet which questions are going to matter most in your particular situation.

My job isn't to convince a seller to sell. I listen and offer the reasonable options I would consider if I were sitting in that situation myself. I can tell you what I think your house will realistically sell for, what concerns me, where I see risk, what I think you may be overlooking and what other options might be worth considering. When someone asks me what I think they should do, I tend to look at it the same way I would if the person sitting across from me were someone I loved. I can give you everything I know and tell you what I would consider, but the decision is still yours.

In this particular situation, the homeowner had already spoken with other agents, including an agent with a well-known local real estate team who had given an opinion of value about $50,000 higher than mine. I told the homeowner to call him back and ask him to sell it for that. I meant it. If he could actually get $50,000 more for the house than I believed the market would support, that would be great for the homeowner and could materially change what was possible on the other side of the sale. I wasn't going to raise my number to compete for the listing, but I certainly wasn't going to talk someone out of an additional $50,000 if another agent could actually deliver it.

The condition of the home complicated things further. It needed work, and the amount the homeowner believed the property was worth didn't account for what a buyer would be taking on or how much the market has changed. We could put any price we wanted on the house, but that didn't mean the market would agree with us. In this situation every dollar mattered because the money from this house was also what the homeowner would need in order to purchase somewhere else.

Then there was the timing. If the money needed for the next purchase was tied up in the current home, how could the owner make an offer before this one sold? If we sold this one first, where would the owner live while trying to find and purchase something that met both the financial and practical needs we had already talked about?

I tried to find a way around that. At one point I talked with an investor about whether we could structure a cash purchase that would give the homeowner enough money upfront to purchase the next property while allowing enough time to remain in the current home to make the transition. There were pieces of the idea that sounded promising, but once we got into the condition of the house, its realistic value and what the homeowner needed financially, I couldn't make it work.

The homeowner still calls me from time to time, and I wish I had something different to offer. I don't. Unless something changes, I believe the homeowner is probably going to remain in the house for the foreseeable future. There is equity there, but having equity and having access to money when you need to purchase somewhere else are two very different things. Add the condition of the property, the difference between the expected selling price and what I believe today's market will support, and the very specific requirements of wherever the homeowner goes next, and I don't see a responsible way to put the house on the market and hope the rest works itself out.

This is an unusual situation, but the way the conversation unfolded really isn't. People can spend weeks or months trying to decide what they should do before they ever call me because they assume they need to have made the decision first. I understand that, especially if what they're trying to avoid is making one phone call and suddenly having an agent follow up every week asking whether they're ready to list.

That's not how I approach these conversations. If we've gone through the facts, talked through the options and I leave saying, “You have plenty to think about,” I mean exactly that. I'm probably not going to start calling you afterward asking whether you've made a decision. Silence is an answer too. Sometimes the questions we answered made it pretty clear that the timing isn't right. If something changes six months from now or two years from now, you know where to find me.

There are also plenty of homeowners I meet who already know they're selling. They're familiar with the process, they've done this before and they're interviewing agents because they're ready to choose who they want representing them. That's a very different appointment for me. They want a presentation. They want to know how I work, how I would position their home, what I think it's worth, what I would do to prepare and market it and what they can expect from me throughout the process. That's a conversation for another day.

But when someone calls because they're only considering selling, I don't think that's where we need to start. We need to start with you.

Maybe this is also why so many of my friendships over the years have started as real estate transactions. You can't sit at someone's kitchen table and talk about their finances, their families, where they're going, what they're worried about and what they're hoping will be different without getting to know them. By the time we get through a transaction together, we've usually been through quite a bit more than paperwork and houses.

I have to be able to sleep at night with the advice I give people. I'm not always going to be right, and after all these years I still can't solve every problem. This homeowner is a good example of that. What I can do is listen, ask the questions that need to be answered, share what I've learned from thousands of transactions and give someone the options I would consider if I were in their place. Sometimes that leads to selling a house and sometimes it doesn't.

If you've had the same questions going around in your head for weeks or months, you don't need to figure everything out before we talk. Sometimes having a conversation with someone who knows which questions need to be answered can get you there a whole lot faster.

Sometimes you just need to talk it out.